This show has been on forever. Like, since I was in junior high and I am 41, so you do the math. Not really. Don't do the math. I was kidding. That is my numero uno pet peeve; when someone says "you do the math." Hey guess what smarty pants? I was a liberal arts major and I hate math. If you try to make me do math while listening to your stupid story, I will stop listening and think you are a jerk for attempting to trick me into doing something I have spent my whole avoiding. And while we are at it, I don't really give a crap if you intended your pun or not.
Anyway, since the show has been on let's say 25 years and it is on every blasted day, there have been roughly 12 million episodes, right? (Don't email if that figure is slightly off). What is my point? My point is this. At the start of every show, Pat likes to chat up the contestants to see what kind of fascinating life they lead. Since there have been 12 million episodes and three contestants per show, that means about 36 million people have been on "America's show." Here is my beef. How is it that every single 36 million of them has either a "handsome husband" or "wonderful wife?" I am sorry. I do not buy it.
Has anyone on that show ever had an ugly husband or a bitchy wife?
As far as I can tell, the only criteria for getting on this show is to have a really loud voice and the ability to give a canned answer to that probing Sajak question, "Are you married?"
For just once, I would like to hear something along these lines:
Pat, not only do I not have a husband/wife, but I have not had a date in 10 years.
Pat, my wife is a raging lunatic who beats our kids when she is not at the bar.
Pat, my husband is a big fat slob who has not worked in three years and I need the loot to divorce his ass.
PS: And I am not saying all this because of that time (many, many years ago) that Lorraine and I stood in line for 9 hours at an American Furniture Warehouse only to be rejected from the opportunity to audition for the show. Not allowed to audition. What a slap in the face.
We did get a consolation prize. A Wheel of Fortune keychain.
Which was not this nice.
